Yoshi, the Talking Microwave Detective
by 12345678910111213141516171819
Summary: Second Chapter! This time Detective Yoshi heats a slice of pizza.
1. Amnesiac

(A/N: Yoshi, Luigi, and all other Nintendo characters are owned by Nintendo. Amnesiac, Planet Telex, Treefingers are Radiohead album and song titles, they are owned by the band or whoever owns them. Pepsi is owned Pepsi I think. This is Rated PG for mild language and oddness.)  
  
::Yoshi, the Talking Microwave Detective!::  
  
BTW, this is a spinoff from the "Today is just today" (but not really). You don't need to read that fanfic but you also don't need to NOT read it if you get what I'm saying. ^_^  
  
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Yoshi rolled into the apartment that he and Luigi shared. His antennae sent a signal to the answering machine. The messages started to play.  
  
"You have...5 messages."  
  
Beep!  
  
"Yoshi, It's Roshi, what's going on? I have some frozen pizza that needs to be heated. Let's hook up later. Bye."  
  
Beep!  
  
"Hey it's Luigi. Don't wait up for me. Oh, and can you tidy up a bit? Thanks Yosh. See ya."  
  
Beep!  
  
"YOSHI! ARE YOU THERE? Look, I have an update on that case of ours. Call me ASAP! It's Morrison by the way. Bye."  
  
Beep!  
  
"Come on man! I want Hot Pizza NOW! It's Roshi! Later!"  
  
Beep!  
  
"Hi. Detective Yoshi, I just want to thank you again for helping me out. Of course your check is in the mail. You know who I am."  
  
Beep!  
  
The last message, he knew exactly who that was. And he knew that he was going to be paid generously. It's good to be a microwave detective.  
  
*****  
  
Just as Yoshi was about to leave, Luigi entered the apartment and started scrambling all over the place.  
  
"Whoa", said Yoshi, "I thought you were coming home late? You didn't have a date tonight? "  
  
"Yeah, I do", said Luigi, searching under a couch, "In fact I'm having one right now!"  
  
"Really, right now?" asked Yoshi.  
  
"Yes, right this minute", said Luigi, "she's in the cab as we speak."  
  
"So what are you doing here ya numbskull?"  
  
Luigi sighed. "I'm trying to find a wing cap, or metal cap, or any cap really. I'm trying to prove to my lady friend that I was really one of the Mario Bros....as if this old green costume $#!^ isn't enough."  
  
Luigi searched a little bit more and finally settled on a fire flower. He then quickly headed over to the fridge and looked inside. There was barely anything in there. It was okay though; the only thing he needed were the burritos he had stashed at the bottom. He took out two burritos and looked at his friend. His best friend. Yoshi the microwave. He felt bad about how Yoshi had ended up. A machine, barely alive. He felt bad for using him to heat up lunch, leftovers and snacks. And he felt especially bad that Mario and Princess Toadstool had dumped them on this garbage planet. That really ticked him off.  
  
"Hello, are you putting those in or what?" asked Yoshi.  
  
"Oh sorry", said Luigi, "I spaced out for a minute there." Luigi put the two burritos into Yoshi and set the timer for 2:00 minutes. "So what's up with you Yosh?"  
  
"Nothing really. I got in just now and I have to leave again. Morrison called before about an update on the case we're working. I gotta go all the way downtown and you know how that usually takes forever."  
  
"Yeah I know that's why I always take a sky taxi. It's only way to get around this place."  
  
"You know how I feel about...air transport."  
  
"What's wrong with air transp...oh yeah, sorry I brought it up."  
  
"That's okay, just...DING! Your burritos are ready."  
  
"Thanks, man." said Luigi. He took the burritos out of Yoshi.  
  
"The ladies must love the aroma of a flatulent plumber."  
  
"You'd be surprised."  
  
They both exited the apartment and entered the speed elevator. Within seconds they were outside at ground level with Luigi rushing to his date and his microwave friend looking after him. Yoshi could see what Luigi's date looked like through the cab's glass: boxy, slimy, purplish red, tentacles strewn all above her head. This was Luigi's date?  
  
"Ursula, I hope you like food that's warm and edible", said Luigi, bending over the glass window to give a burrito to his date. She took both of them.  
  
"Mmmm, I love these things", said Ursula, "what are they called again?"  
  
"Burritos"  
  
"Oooh, such an exotic name" said Ursula. She had already finished both burritos.  
  
"Luigi", Yoshi interrupted, "I need to talk to you for a second."  
  
"Could you hold on for one more second Ursula?" Luigi followed Yoshi over by the building side. "What's the matter?"  
  
"What are you doing to yourself?" asked Yoshi.  
  
"What are you talking about?" Luigi said defensively.  
  
"I'm talking about all these weirdo aliens you've been hanging out with. This one has tentacles, the last had, like, ten heads, the one before that had eyes all over her body, the one before that..."  
  
"Okay so I'm going out now and then, so what? I'm just trying to have a little fun on this trash dump planet."  
  
"You could have fun", said Yoshi, "but do you have to hang out with a freak like that?"  
  
"Yeah I do. Besides, you're a freak and I hang out with you."  
  
Yoshi paused for a moment. "Don't even start with that Luigi.....I'm just trying to look out for you."  
  
"There doesn't need to be any looking out. I'm just going out with a nice alien who likes movies and has a slight problem remembering things..."  
  
"Oh no! Don't tell me you're dating another amnesiac!"  
  
"YES I'M DATING ANOTHER AMNESIAC! I THINK THEY DESERVE LOVE TOO YOSHI! I'M SORRY IF THAT WHOLE THING UPSETS YOU! NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME!" Luigi quickly walked away from Yoshi and went back to his date that waited patiently in the cab. When he got in the cab lifted off the ground and flew into the night sky.  
  
"She won't even remember him when it's over" Yoshi said to himself.  
  
Yoshi hailed a taxi for himself. He was able to get one that traveled specifically on the ground.  
  
::Chapter 1 Ends:: 


	2. Planet Telex

(A/N: I already put the disclaimer before the first chapter. If you like reading disclaimers you'll have to backtrack.)  
  
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"Where to mister?" asked the cab driver.  
  
"Downtown, on Arrow Boulevard," said Yoshi.  
  
The cab drove away from the apartment and onto the road that twisted between various businesses, apartments, and factories that littered the city. Yoshi stuck his head outside and felt the cold breeze blow past the top part of his head. He didn't even mind the smell.  
  
This is Planet Telex.  
  
It has long been inhabited by aliens, robots, and other strange beings. The planet also has a wealth of minerals and advanced technological devices. It would really be a goldmine for just about anyone. That's what Mario and Princess Toadstool thought. They thought Yoshi and Luigi would love this place, even if it does seem like the planet is one massive city.  
  
"We're here," said the cab driver.  
  
"Thanks," said Yoshi, "put it on the tab."  
  
"Tab? Hey, you have to pay!"  
  
Yoshi had already gotten out of the cab and rolled around the corner. About a block up a neon sign above a huge red door flashed "Leeloo's" over and over again. Yoshi entered through the doors and was immediately surrounded by androids dancing to very strange music. It sounded like a mix of new wave with trance, speed metal, and opera. Flashing lights and lasers accompanied the chaos of the music and the androids crashing into each other as they "danced".  
  
Detective Yoshi looked left and right for Morrison. Detective Morrison usually liked to hang out around here, though it doesn't make a lot of sense. He is known to have a very serious demeanor, and yet he would often be found sitting at a table drinking a beverage, an alien chick on one side of the table, a robot on the other.  
  
"Is it hot in here, or is it just you"  
  
Yoshi spun around too see a Pepsi soda machine facing him. "I'm a microwave so I get moderately hot from time to time." Yoshi said, "Why?"  
  
"Hahaha! You're funny. Let me get you something to drink, alright?"  
  
"Can't you just produce drinks, you're soda machine. Here I'll get a quarter..."  
  
"Hahahahahahahahaha! Funny microwaves are so...attractive." The soda machine starts to move closer.  
  
"Uhhhhhhhhh, I kinda have to leave now," said Yoshi, "excuse me."  
  
"What's the rush? We were just getting somewhere."  
  
"Er...look I don't really swing with beverage dispensers." said Yoshi. He suddenly remembers an old coffee dispenser and painful memories start to overwhelm him. "I have to go now!"  
  
"Hey! Come back! I'll give you free Pepsi for a month! A MONTH!  
  
"CAN'T YOU TAKE A HINT?"  
  
Yoshi's tongue shot out of the microwave door, grabbed an android and flung it at the soda machine. Actually, Yoshi flung several androids at the machine and fled the scene.  
  
"Call me!" shouted the soda machine.  
  
*****  
  
Things were a lot more pleasant when Yoshi and Luigi lived in the Mushroom Kingdom. Bowser would come around and attack the castle every so often, but his attacks seemed so commonplace that it had become normal, and it was just as normal for Mario to beat the &%#@ out of Bowser. And then one day it happened.  
  
Mario beat all the *$%& out of Bowser. The King of Koopas was rushed to a nearby hospital but he died before he even reached the emergency room. All of the Mushroom Kingdom rejoiced. Everyone felt safe and protected knowing that their greatest enemy was gone forever.  
  
Weeeeeeeellll peace and prosperity went on for a while until Peach and Mario decided to ship Yoshi and Luigi into outer space. Bowser was finished and their other foes were too frightened to claim his throne, so Yoshi and Luigi were obsolete (ask Mario about why he sent his brother into outer space and he'd say that Luigi always dreamed about being an astronaut. Luigi never ever said that but his brother "knows" otherwise).  
  
Yoshi and Luigi were excited when they were told that they were going on a vacation. It was a place called Planet Telex, the most futuristic place of all time! They hastily got onto the Sub-con manufactured spaceship and took off, waving to their friends on Earth. It was a fun ride too, they got to see all sorts of stars and planets and stuff.  
  
"What's going on?"  
  
"Is the spaceship supposed to rock like this?"  
  
"No don't worry all spaceships rock like this once in awhile."  
  
Yoshi and Luigi thought that there might be something wrong but the spaceship crew put their fears to rest. Soon the spaceship started rocking again. And then again, violently this time. And then the engine exploded, an explosion big enough to send the spaceship reeling out of control. The crew was forced to make an emergency landing.  
  
When the spaceship landed in a murky river there were only three survivors, Luigi, Yoshi and a co-pilot. Luigi was the luckiest out of the three; he escaped with minor bruises and scratches. Yoshi was the unluckiest. His body was crushed and the only way he would survive was if he melded with a robot or machine. So he melded with a microwave (to have a microwave body was really cool at the time).  
  
Yoshi still had part of his head on top of the microwave, from his top nostril to the back of his neck, so he could still see through his own eyes. His head was fitted onto the top of the microwave, which itself rested on a cart that could roll and move in many directions. Yoshi also kept his elastic tongue which sits in the corner of the microwave. People thought it would have scorched by now but the radiation actually made it even stronger. It also does not bother anyone that when they heat their food it's next to a mutated ball of tongue.  
  
*****  
  
Yoshi crashed through the back door and found Morrison in the alley with a couple of cops and a pile of clothes. "Detective Morrison," said Yoshi.  
  
"Detective Yoshi," said Morrison. He put a slice of pizza into Yoshi and slammed the microwave door.  
  
"Hey! Don't slam the door," Yoshi shouted, "I just went out and got a new one because people kept slamming it. I was gonna relax too until you called me up."  
  
"You know I only call you when it's important Detective," said Morrison. He bent over the pile of clothes, yellow goo oozing around it. "Our cannibal has struck again."  
  
"Yellow Goo, a pile of clothes, the same as the other four incidents," said Yoshi.  
  
"Yeah, but this time we have a witness. Sir, could you please step forward."  
  
A man walked from behind the cops and walked up to the Detectives.  
  
"Okay, can you tell me what you saw?" asked Yoshi.  
  
Witness hesitated at first, and then spoke. "Well...uh..."  
  
"DING!"  
  
"What the %$#&!"  
  
"Your Pizza is ready," said Yoshi.  
  
"Thanks Detective," said Morrison. He took out the slice and started eating.  
  
"Hey, are you alright?" Yoshi asked the Witness.  
  
"No, I'm fine, I just...didn't expect that to happen."  
  
"Well whenever you feel ready to talk you can."  
  
"Oh okay," stammered the witness, "um...I was taking out the trash...because I work in Leeloo's...and I heard this sucking sound."  
  
"Uh huh, go on."  
  
"And when I went around the corner to check it out I saw this.......big, boxy, slimy thing running away."  
  
"Uh...yeah."  
  
"It had a purplish red tint to it."  
  
Yoshi raised an eyebrow. "Purplish red...boxy and slimy?"  
  
"Yeah," said the witness, "and it had all these tentacles on top of it."  
  
Yoshi's mechanical heart dropped.  
  
::Chapter 2 Ends:: 


End file.
